Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
