He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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