You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
