I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
