I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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