he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
