I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
