Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
where am i from again
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
is wine microwaveable?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
