I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
