omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
