no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
