so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone came in the potted fern
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
