If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
