tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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