He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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