it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
