I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
