never play flip cup with pint glasses
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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