so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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