So drunk its hurt
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
