No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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