my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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