I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We are two peas in an std pod
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
