there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
