they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
