Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Vodka?
Forever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
