so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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