you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Don't tell me you're on acid again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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