good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
