My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
