well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
