I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
