did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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