I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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