We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
