remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
