I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
