you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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