Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
