areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
