Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
