My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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