wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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