my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
