I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
