I wish I only lived at night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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