had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
