What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
