I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
