I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
